Salt vs. Salt

That was a Kramer vs. Kramer reference. Very funny. Very hip.

Kosher, Maldon, Iodized. Three salt varieties, although there are many more, that should be found in your kitchen; each fulfilling different roles.

Kosher is my workhorse. Kosher is the baritone who others look to for guidance. A dish is hard to over-season when using the special K. The large granule size and easy measurability in your fingers allow for a more consistent pinch time after time. Keep this by your cooking space; this should be your first option to season. Kosher can be used as a finishing salt as well, although it isn't my first choice.

Maldon is a diva. Maldon will catch 120 passes in a season, but also get on X and retweet Nick Fuentes - a hothead with an incredible skill set. Maldon can be easily overdone. The delicate crunch of this flake salt packs a high-salinity punch. Used mainly (I should say the only correct use) as a subtle addition sprinkled atop a finished plate.

Iodized is a tradition to be left in the past. Iodized is acrid, spiteful, and the patron saint of life-ruining divorces. Have a salt shaker filled on the table for your grandfather to blind-season his peas after he says an ethnic slur "that was fine to say in the 70's". Through my tone, you understand I have a general disdain for this waste of counter space, but there are arguments above my pay grade about the added dietary iodine. If you believe you need supplemental iodine, I urge you to grab a bag of large-granule iodized sea salt. It may taste like battery acid, but at least it's easier to season with.

Make the world a better place. Let's start seasoning, whites!