The Wine Guide
From every region (I assume, but don't Google that) this green world holds, there is a sweet, savory, sometimes bitter liquid pardon for feeling foul. A little too anxious leaving the office? Grab a dry Riesling! Sore from a long day driving? That French-found Bordeaux can massage the miles away. Hell, if you just need a drink, pop a Chianti and grab some Oreos (genuinely, this is good).
Culinarily, there is a strict guide for wine pairing. Before we go over that, allow me a moment of liberty. Drink what you like. Don't let a pretentious fiend steer you away from what you believe is good. That is true in all food, but especially in wine pairing.
The Standards, Simplified:
Match the punch. If the dish you are eating is a delicately balanced white fish, don't overpower it with a heavy wine. Pair these dishes with a Pinot Noir or a Pinot Grigio. Light, acidic wines, lacking heavy tannins, can dissect cream sauces and oily proteins. If you've sat down to a porterhouse alongside a twice-baked potato, grab something with some firepower. Go for the tannin-filled Cabernet Sauvignon or Shiraz. Wines in these families can cut through the round mouthfeel of red meat or certain waterfowl like goose and duck.
Know what you're pairing with. If a plate has a sauce dressing the protein, pair to the sauce. As stated above, cream sauces should be paired with a light, acidic wine, while its reduced-stock counterpart can be elevated by a full-bodied red.
There are books written about the "art" of pairing certain vintages of the Stick-In-The-Mud region in Who Cares, authored by folks unencombered by joy. Take the guidelines above for what they are - guidelines. They are not the law. If you love bagged Pinot Grigio, and the blessed bag alone, pair it with anything this world has to offer. Clams? Slap the bag. Pretzels? Bag slap.
"I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not."
- Kurt "Courtney, Careful. That's Loaded" Cobain
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